"You didn't want to talk" vs. "I would have liked to talk"

In the middle of an short email, a friend of mine wrote to me "... but you didn't want to talk to me :)" Ouch. My friend had been insulted by my actions. First reaction: guilt. I should've called, sms:ed, sent email - something. Second reaction: I should write or call my friend now, although then it wouldn't be because I wanted to, but because I was told to do so. It wouldn't feel right. Third reaction: Protest. I don't like to be pushed to around, I write when I want to write. You write me if you want to be in contact!

What just happened here? All these feelings blew through me half-consciously in less than 10 seconds.

This is a vicious circle starting right here. Something in it self small but unfortunate happened, and my friend felt neglected. My friend wanted to communicate the feeling of neglect, but not make it too heavy - thus the smiley at the end - although the hurt feelings were obvious. My reaction to it is easy to predict: denial, protest and the feeling of being treated unfairly. And the result, no improvement in the situation, but more hurt feelings.

So, what would be the alternative? Moving the focus from my error, to the desire of my friend. "I would have liked to talk to you." It is a positive feeling. Desire. It is a flattering statement. I would jump on the chance and call my friend immediately, or better yet, go visit my friend.

In this example, both parties have a lot to learn. My negative reactions were totally unnecessary and unwarranted, although understandable. I should learn to faster recognise the vicious circle before it starts. And most importantly, I should learn to take my friends better into account.
In my opinion, my friend would benefit from trying to, instead of confrontative statements, find supportive and constructive approaches. Confrontation is sometimes useful, but most often it is not an effective approach. A constructive nudge can, according to my experience, often be pivotal and highly effective.