I have problems

Just made a fantastic discovery.  A discovery, which is by far bigger and better than your average discovery. It's good. Trust me. The discovery is that: "I have problems." It's wonderful.

That is a good punch-line, isn't it? But really, it truly is a good thing to have however counter-intuitive it is.

The truth behind this statement is actually rather obvious. Not the usual kind of obvious, but the in-your-face kind of obvious. The way it goes is this: Behind every problem there is a solution. The catch is that you need a problem, to be able to find a solution. Perhaps you already see the obvious conlusion, no? I'll spell it out for you: Without problems, you cannot find solutions. Innovations are solutions. Ergo, without problems there are no innovations.

Want to be innovative? Yes? Find yourself some problems!

"You didn't want to talk" vs. "I would have liked to talk"

In the middle of an short email, a friend of mine wrote to me "... but you didn't want to talk to me :)" Ouch. My friend had been insulted by my actions. First reaction: guilt. I should've called, sms:ed, sent email - something. Second reaction: I should write or call my friend now, although then it wouldn't be because I wanted to, but because I was told to do so. It wouldn't feel right. Third reaction: Protest. I don't like to be pushed to around, I write when I want to write. You write me if you want to be in contact!

What just happened here? All these feelings blew through me half-consciously in less than 10 seconds.

This is a vicious circle starting right here. Something in it self small but unfortunate happened, and my friend felt neglected. My friend wanted to communicate the feeling of neglect, but not make it too heavy - thus the smiley at the end - although the hurt feelings were obvious. My reaction to it is easy to predict: denial, protest and the feeling of being treated unfairly. And the result, no improvement in the situation, but more hurt feelings.

So, what would be the alternative? Moving the focus from my error, to the desire of my friend. "I would have liked to talk to you." It is a positive feeling. Desire. It is a flattering statement. I would jump on the chance and call my friend immediately, or better yet, go visit my friend.

In this example, both parties have a lot to learn. My negative reactions were totally unnecessary and unwarranted, although understandable. I should learn to faster recognise the vicious circle before it starts. And most importantly, I should learn to take my friends better into account.
In my opinion, my friend would benefit from trying to, instead of confrontative statements, find supportive and constructive approaches. Confrontation is sometimes useful, but most often it is not an effective approach. A constructive nudge can, according to my experience, often be pivotal and highly effective.

The Power of Possibilities

During the last year, nothing has changed on the outside, but everything has changed on the inside. Suddenly, I've begun to see possibilities. I could apply for this or that job, I could go skiing, I could train climbing, I could this and that. Objectively, it is a small change. Yes, I suddenly have received some new job opportunities, but objectively it is not much more than what I had before. These options are not likely (as in the competition is/will be hard). But there is hope.

I have regained the feeling that there I have possibilities, which gives me the feeling that I can make choices. While I already knew that the feeling of being able to influence in your life's choices is important for happiness, the forces with which it hits you is awesome. My emotional state has risen from "ok" (50/100), to almost "happy" (80/100).

Prejudice

Last weekend I went with a friend to climb at Tre Cime de Lavarado. Super cool! We had perfect luck with the weather, two days of sun, almost too hot but a bit of rain on Sunday morning. We were really beat up after two long days of climbing, so leaving home at Sunday morning was not such a bad concept after all.

What strikes me about this trip mostly is the attitudes many of my friends had. They thought we were mad to go to Tre Cime. So much loose rock, so crowded, so dangerous, etc. It seemed that every one thought we were bound to end up in trouble. Couldn't have been further away from the truth. Yes, there was some loose rock, but it was always either easy climbing or then there were enough places of good rock that we could place some protection. Yes, there was sometimes a bit of a crowd, but it never bothered me. For the exception of one mountain-guide abseiling behind us, who demonstrated astonishing lack of social skill and a superior level of besserwisser-attitude. But most of the time both days, we felt like we were alone on the mountain. Perfect.

So, the friends who condemned our intention to climb Tre Cime, did not actually know what they were talking about. They just had a preconception of what the trip would be like. It seems to me that somehow people tend to exaggerate their fears of the unknown. People who haven't tried mountain climbing have still heard of some of the dangers of climbing, and think that all climbing is always dangerous. Dangerous situations provide juicy stories and it is easy to generalize that this dangerous situations are commonplace. In my experience, this simply isn't true.

I once was planning a trip through Eastern Europe, including Belarus. People were terrified. Belarus? There's corruption and it's a dictatorship. True, but at least the streets are clean. I was actually more afraid in Ukraine, which was then enjoying its newly acquired democracy, but suffers from petty crime. Belarus, on the other hand, has a strong and brutal police force, whereby petty theft is almost non-existent. So, Belarus is more safe for a casual tourist (as long as you don't get in trouble with the police). It was just that people who haven't been there, knew only the bad stuff, and thought that was the whole story.

It seems to me that people do not realize how little they know. They have heard one thing about something, and they think they know everything.

Curing a besserwisser

Recently, a person said that I am a selfish and like that wouldn't be enough, that I am a besserwisser. Uh, ok, I thought. A bit later, another person said the same thing. Somewhat too much for a coincidence, so I asked some friends I trust of their opinion. They answered very politely, but did not immediately shoot down the idea as absurd, which confirms my concern. I guess I am selfish and a besserwisser. These attributes are not directly flattering, whereby I would like to try to improve my habits. Let us thus think the besserwisser thing through.

Firstly, there are three different perspectives to being a besserwisser. 1) A person might actually know better than another in an objective sense. 2) A person might think that he knows better than another person in an subjective sense. 3) A person might be perceived as if he knows better. It is immediately clear that how one is perceived is the key here. Irrespective if one objectively knows more or not, one can be perceived as a besserwisser. Likewise, even if one doesn't self believe to know better, one can still be perceived as a besserwisser (although this is probably less likely).
I would therefore claim that being a besserwisser is essentially a problem in communications alone. Still I have to quickly add that attitude also plays an important role; for a person that honestly believes that he knows better (however true or false that is), it will be very difficult to not communicate it. On the other hand, a deeply respected person could say the same things, be a besserwisser best he can, but he will not be perceived as a besserwisser since it is well known that he knows better. Curious, isn't it?

From my own perspective this clearly means that I am not a deeply respected person, at least in the eyes of these persons. I can live with that. It follows that I must improve my communication to avoid being perceived as a besserwisser. That is kind of obvious, don't you think?

Challenges

Every ones in a while, you've got to take a pause and look at the big picture and in that purpose, I decided to make an overall analysis of my climbing performance. Here are my observations of the current status:
- My most important challenge is the mental side. I do have good focus, but fears override the intelligence. This results in 1) over-gripping and excessive use of power, 2) slowing down and extra load on endurance.
- On the physical side I believe my shoulder/arm power is in relatively good shape. Core muscles are also ok. My weakness is finger power, partly due to over-gripping, but also poor endurance.

Short term to-do's:
- I need to relax. I need to learn how to relax. This should be my first priority in all climbing. Confidence. Deep breathing.
- I have to step up my fingerboard training to gain especially endurance but also a higher maximum force.
- Climb hard routes more through repetitions until they go instead of only on-sighting.

Longer term to-do's:
- Revisit the book "Mental Athlete" and search for improved technique for mental training.
- Keep up with supporting training; Pilates, hiking, jogging, biking, fingerboard, Bachar-ladder.
- Do bouldering a bit more often to increase variation and for strength.
- Try to find a climbing partner with similar level of commitment and goals.